My Prayer For Strength and Assistance

 I just lost my mother.

This most painful experience of my lifetime will remain with me forever.  I will never be the same, for the largest part of me died on April 7th at 10:15 a.m. and the pain was and still is overwhelming at times.  Something I never thought I would be able to handle, especially alone without love, kindness and support.

This experience has put life and love in concise perspective for at the time I was in a short-term relationship with a woman who left me on the hour of the terminal diagnosis.  For the following tragic weeks I was all alone, terrified to deal with the pain with no comfort for the most part although she did spend two afternoons and one night with me and for that I am forever grateful.  Having God and my mother in my heart, I know she did the best she could and have complete forgiveness for her, as well as for myself.  I know it was not her fault and she was sent to somehow teach me a lesson that I needed to learn.

I feel that many can be cruel at times in their lives, even if unintentionally doing so.  I feel that I have been cruel to others unintentionally or inadvertently, maybe out of anger or a lack of compassion and understanding for another.  I truly feel all the cruelty I ever bestowed on another individual unintentionally was bestowed upon me at this, the lowest point of my life when I was desperate for support and comfort but received little. 

I have now come to terms with the meaning of love and complete forgiveness and understand this to be a lesson or message no matter how painfully it was received and have learned my lesson well, have taken the experience seriously and now pray for assistance with my humanity in giving me patience, love, compassion, understanding and above all kindness, to never treat another human being unkindly, intentionally or unintentionally.  I pray for your strength and guidance to comfort me in my alone times and help me to be more tolerant and understanding of others.  Please give me patience and help me to be considerate with my words.  To treat others with compassion and kindness uncompromised by my humanity I will need your help.  I pray for the strength to overcome anger, ignorance, self indulgency, thoughtless actions and words and fill my heart with love.  For now I need your support in this determined goal of kindness.  For I don’t ever want to devastate another as I have been devastated and to reach this goal I know I will need your help.  This has not been an easy journey on earth and I do not want to return for more lessons.  In your name I pray.  Please help me.  Amen.